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Hi friends,
How are you?
I want to share with you a letter that I wrote to God—the words are remnants from the constant conversation I’ve been in with Him.
His work within me is moving and I find myself trying to keep up with the changes that have occurred, commemorating this victorious year.
For those interested in hearing the live reading and engaging in a live discussion about this letter, be sure to check your email for details.
Shall we dive in?
Dear God,
Can I write to you for a moment?
I’ve noticed my reactions to the ideas of connection, community and church recently—it indicates the successful work you’ve been doing within me for the last couple of years.
I sought how to enter your rest and I feel like you’ve invited me to address my traumas.
You know, there was a time before where I wanted to connect with as many people as possible, where the idea of communing with others centered around material success, and where church was good enough at home instead of amongst the people.
Now, I see how you have changed me. I see how my fears can sculpt my decision-making.
Where I once wanted to connect with as many people, I now feel overstimulated.
Where I once wanted community to take control of our futures with, I now feel controlling. Where I once wanted to stay away from the body of Christ, I now feel empty.
Here’s my declaration: I now will desert where my fear dwells and reside in a place where my love for you thrives.
This thing of overstimulation, I hate it.
This thing of misplaced priorities, I despise it.
This thing of convincing myself that I don’t need your people, I pity it.
This is not of you.
All of these things, in fact, make it difficult to stay in the rest of you. Ever since I’ve arrived here, your rest, it’s become my new ground. It is my place to come to when I stray away, like sheep. I have also found that it is hard to stay here because, at times, it appears as laziness.
When I’m not eagerly seeking out every avenue to grow my name or brand, it feels lazy. When I’m not seeking financial security of my future, it feels lazy. When I’m not trying to make myself important, or when I’m not trying to keep the world’s attention, I feel utterly lazy.
This is a trap designed by the devil, huh?
Because it’s when I trust in you and not in my efforts, I’m at rest.
Is that why people work so hard today?
We don’t trust you with our futures, so we trust ourselves? We fear you won’t bless us with riches, so we seek to obtain it ourselves?
Wealth is not my right; it is your blessing, and only one out of so many. It is not fair to gauge your goodness from the obtaining of one blessing,
or the lack there of.
Are you not good because you gave me many blessings except the one? Will my life not be worth living because the lack of the one?
Indeed, I’ve thought these things about you, that you were no good unless you provided me with earthly treasures. From the bottom of my heart and with teary eyes I say I apologize to you. I repent and ask for your forgiveness. You are greater than what I can understand and have given me more than what I deserve.
When I gave my life to you through accepting Christ, I was freed. I was de-shackled from the world’s motives and seeded with yours.
Thank you for the work you continue to do in me and thank you for showing me how I can help in that.
Father, I pray over your work. It is sacred and I only want to learn how to protect it and allow it to anchor me. I declare that my tendencies to float does not rule my life.Your work is proof of your love. It is proof of your grace and the victory that already is.
I pray over not only me, Lord, but for the ones that are witnesses to this letter and for all your children. I pray over our constant revival and magnetic drawing to your truth. I pray that we all learn how to come to the end of ourselves for the sake of ourselves.
May you continue to draw me closer to you so that your will be done.
I love you.
Ania
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