Ask Jesus How to Deal With People

Hi friend, how are you?

To all my friends in the Carolinas, up north in Chicago and overseas in Brazil and South Africa,

greetings and hope all are well.

It's a new time for me; I have moved into a new apartment and have indulged in spendings for new decor. It has been a blessing, as I tend to be frugal with my investments.

I have also spent more time than usual at work. I am helping prepare a residential complex for a move-in of over 300 college students. The days have surely run into each other, and I feel so accomplished each day after waking up, working, eating, taking a shower, and getting some sleep. So, if you've noticed my absence from my social platforms, this is why.

The point of this letter is to share with you some key lessons I've learned about my interactions with people at work during such a restless, tedious time. If there is anything I have been praying to God about the most, it is giving me the wisdom to deal with people.

Before we dive in...

We owe Jesus a round of applause; He has the best interpersonal skills ever. He used (and still uses) these skills to disciple the first apostles, share the gospel and ultimately complete the will that God had for His life. The amount of patience bestowed, the honesty he spoke in, the compassion he walked in for all kinds of sinners...

Though he was God manifested as man, thus knew things about people that we could never, there was still a grace in which he handled those who either didn't know better or chose not to know better.

The books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John are written documents of Jesus's years of ministry from the perspective of four different apostles.

Whenever you want to understand people and learn how to effectively communicate from a biblical lens, studying these books is a great start. Jesus has dealt and presently deals with the kindest and the most evil-hearted of mankind; calling on Him in prayer for wisdom and guidance in dealing with people in your everyday life isn't a bad idea.

Let's dive in now, shall we?

Here's 3 Things Jesus Has Taught Me About Dealing with People

1. Don't take what they do or say personally

2. Kill them with kindness (I know...cliché)

3. No one cares about me as much as I think

Don't Take What They Do or Say Personally

"Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes." Matthews 18:7 NKJV

I like this verse because of how Jesus talks about offenses. He didn't say that offenses will come, or that they can come, or that they might come—no, he stated that they must come.

As I stated before, I help manage a residential property of college students. So, for context, you're leasing out contracts to 18-22-year-olds who have never rented an apartment before, and also dealing with the parents. Some of them are learning the procedure and policy for renting in detrimental ways, so offenses are always at play.

It has taken much prayer and experience to not take personal someone else's anger or frustration. If you have the same responsibility as I in picking up inbound calls, we are the front line of that company. When a person is highly offended, you and I are taking the first blow.

But I have to remember that although I am not the culprit of their offense, I am a representation of it. It sure does suck.

Understanding my role in the career field of hospitality reminds me that I need the Lord's wisdom every day. Though I don't succeed every time—because those who are offended can communicate their offense with disrespect—I have found that listening and sympathizing with their frustration keeps me from feeling offended.

Kill Them with Kindness (I know, it's cliché)

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everybody should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires." James 1:19-20 NIV

I recall moments in the documents recorded of Jesus's ministry, and how He was persecuted by many nonbelievers. At points in which He could, Jesus never responded with disrespect. He never "matched their energy" our society would say. Although assertive with His responses, it demonstrated a great level of interpersonal skills needed for boldly sharing the gospel to the faithless.

I am not saying that we make it our jobs to "tell somebody off", or that we ought to argue with people. I think context is important here; Jesus's assertiveness and truth was needed at this time in history to instill a foundation based in belief and faith—not in logic or earthly wisdom.

What I am saying, however, is we don't need to fight anger with anger, or disrespect with disrespect. If we do, consider how the devil wins in these instances—someone else's anger could easily trigger our own, or even trigger our fear, anxiety, defense, and the devil can use these emotions as weapons to attack one another. Somebody has got to diffuse, and as believers, we are called to do so.

What's ironic about kindness is that it's associated with weakness, but in actuality, it demonstrates the most strength and self-control.

No One Cares About Me as Much as I Think

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Philippians 2:3-4 NIV

Our society has taught us to be self-centered. If I believe that what people do and what people say center around me, I am bound to take anything personal.

The beliefs and theologies that are being pushed right now is to value self—in addition, to value self at the expense of others and truly knowing God. We are also pushed to make decisions about our life and the people around us based on how we feel. Residing in our feelings creates a foothold for offense.

I cannot tell you how many time my feelings have skewed the reality of a situation, how it has deceived the truth about others, the truth about God.

Consider this for a moment: those who are easily offended probably think that what people do and what they say is in direct correlation to what they believe about themselves. Basically, self-centeredness has them convinced that people are thinking about them as much as they are thinking about themselves. This is not just an experience with the easily offended but to anyone in moments of offense.

The truth is: nobody is thinking about us as much as we think because everybody is too busy thinking about themselves. And other times, when we are thinking of others, it's by means of comparison or projection.

But I think this is great moment to remind us of the essence of Philippians 2:3-4, where we value others because we've humbled ourselves and accepted that our own interests are not the only interests that matter.

Final Conclusion

All of these things I have considered for a while, friend. Even more so as I write to you now.

I challenge all of you to test yourselves accordingly in your workplaces. Dealing with people and authority gives us plenty of reasons to complain, gossip, and slander. But we should not indulge.

I know you may be like me, in need of daily guidance in dealing with those you work with and serve—ask Jesus for help. You may just see that it's not others that God needs to work on, but just you.

May God's peace and joy be with you all.

Until the next time,

Love,

Nia